PROLOGUE

  I found it necessary to revisit this section on my website. Not like you guys could see it at any point, but to provide unnecessary context to paint the controversial masterpiece that is my "Dirk Strider Appreciation Essay", English and ELA is the subject I flunked in the most. But it's the subject I'm most drawn to post highschool. To find a medium I can communicate how I feel efficiently is my dream. This being my thought proccess and looking at this page, alongside with my radiation appreciation page, it irks me how the things I put so much of myself into fall flat in impact. Being detatched from writing and language when I so desperately need it to communicate (art can really only go so far for me.) is something I'm working against. I hope at this point you haven't tuned out at my abstract droning of a desire to communicate and having it in relation to displaying my shitty literary accumulation of a character I like. Maybe when I'm older and my progress towards my goals advances and I'm not trying to pretend I have a full understanding of something when my frontal lobe isn't even fully developed yet, I can maybe revisit this section, or other sections. That would be cool.

ACT I - PRINCE OF HEART: RISE UP (look thats the name of the page)

  There is somehow so little and so much of him, funnily enough there is actually a small amount of Dirk moments in Homestuck that can be respectfully reffered to as his. Some of his best moments "[S] Synchronize" and "[S] Unite" were actually not orchestrated by him at all, that was Lil' Hal cleaning up after quite possibly everything going wrong. Dirk would not be himself if he was without flaw and executed his plans perfectly. I think Hal being is foil is from a narrative standpoint very important. To reflect how Dirk builds himself up to be more than what he is. He builds himself to be a stoic mastermind who pulls at the strings, to know everything, to have the fighting skills and the intuition, to be capable of it all. To be like a master computer. But, he isn't. He can't. Even Hal comments on his desire to function like a machine. In a narrative sense, underneath all of those walls he constructed, Dirk is actually fundamentally a loser. He wears pointy anime shades that every character regards as shitty and lame.. and I mean from his timeline 400 years in the future they absolutely would be lame, but they actually fit his character. Dirk is very interested in history. He recites the events after the condense's take over to Jake in the conversation they had to inspire Dirk to make the auto responder. Wearing those shades are ironically cool and lame at the same time. From a historian standpoint they're pretty awesome but from a fashion statement they're shitty. In the same sense it's like how Dirk's machinery makes him cool and lame simultaneously. Dirk's machines outshine him in the technical calculating every move sense but from a readers standpoint (and from jake and janes' standpoints) they're impressive. In that same past conversation Dirk actually downplays the impact of making his machines, because it isn't what he wants to be cool for. He actually takes no regard in having any appreciation for himself and his hobbies. I think a lot of misconception comes from Dirk building himself up. A lot of people think that Dirk thinks of himself as 'hot shit'. If you think so then I have some bad news for you...

ACT II - YOU FELL FOR IT

  I'd be a liar if I didn't say I think Dirk is cool. To me, even with his horse and puppet obsession he is still cool. Not in the stoic mastermind full of himself way. He's cool when he genuinely can be himself if he would let himself do it. But, he doesn't. He actively hates himself. Referring to my previous claim on Dirk building up on himself, there is a large disconnect from what he wants his friends (and in the sense, the reader) to think of him as Vs what he actually is. His idealization of being badass and being masculine are essentially toxic, harmful, and dangerous. Dirk's need for violence to prove a point is quite the contrary to how he actually feels about his friends. His first conversation, his first actual conversation present in the comic is his concern towards Jane. Him being concerned because the robot he built for her to protect her was activated. Dirk tragically is a character of self sacrifice, to tie into his defined placement as a prince of heart. A great example of his self sacrifice is his conversation with Jane about Roxy, in regards to his homosexuality. He deeply cares about Roxy, so much so that he quite literally says the line "I'm not even sure if I'm worthy of dying next to her". He mentions not being a homosexual but he's thought about giving it up to give her what she deserves. Even with his conversation with Dave, who he's so desperate to talk to. He tries to take the blame for Bro's actions and treatment towards him, even if he played no part in Bro and Dave's relationship, he accepts that it is somehow fundamentally his doing, and these extensions of himself who are terrible are his responsibility. There are so many examples of Dirk's willingness to self sacrifice I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of it, honestly. Even the fandom has jokes about Dirk resolving to having his own head be cut off when times get rough, but this stems from his willingness to pretty much basically die for his friends. It's one of his flaws, his willingness to give pieces of himself (via metaphorically with machinery (or even more metaphorically if we're going to use brain ghost dirk as an example) or literary when he ends his life multiple times for his friends sakes) to his friends. But it's one of Dirk's traits I resonate with and value a lot.

ACT III - YOU MAKE THE WATER WARM

  Maybe at this point we're approaching into my own interpretations section of the pool that is this essay, or maybe my projections have long diluted into what I consider canonically Dirk Strider. But I wouldn't say it's a stretch to claim Dirk is a character of loss. He lives in a house that he had no choice but to carve into his home, deserted in the middle of the tomb that is the flooded post-condense ocean. Statistically there should be no way he survives from this. It doesn't even end here, his creation of AR is the beginning of his grip slowly loosening on his concept of self. I think what impacts me a lot is Dirk beginning to lose the autonomy of his own choices in his actions to propel forward his development in Homestuck. There are so many examples of dirk losing things, such as, Dirk being teleported outside of the stratosphere and having to fly all the way back in GAME OVER is losing his autonomy of choice. For reference he even says to John before letting himself die, "I lost.". He loses Cal in the drone fight before entering the SBURB session. He loses Jake. If we're going to get ridiculous he even loses his life, willfully or not, several times. It's ironic that a character who likes to act as if he has control over the situation he loses time and time again. He even loses his own moments such as earlier in this essay, [S] Unite and [S] Synchronization, but it doesn't even end here, in GAME OVER it's actually brain ghost dirk who's able to have an impactful blow on Arenea. Fuck, even some of the panels I pasted in the section below are some variation of dirk splinter panels, and not actually him. I tried not to do that but some splinter moments are really good, man. Can't help myself.

CONCLUSION

  I doubt I covered the vast complexity of why I like Dirk, maybe it's projection, maybe it's relation. It's a lot of things. I even like drawing him the most out of any Homestuck character, I could draw him with my eyes closed (not very well though, but I could do it). But, I hope regardless wether incoherent or not my essay made this web page seem less... obsessive and more out of care and comfort and self expression. It's actually nice to have a page about a character I think about all the time and it's pretty cool to have all of my thoughts in feelings expressed in all of it's forms on one page. I hope I can continue to do this to my other pages. It's kind of hard work learning to express myself (especially without feeling cringe.). Now on another note, I wouldn't say my friend's associate me with Dirk, I don't think my expression of liking this character has integrated in my perceptions and mannerisms, that would be stupid.

EPILOGUE

  What? you thought there was going to be an actual epilogue? no, man. I hate epilogues. In the literary sense and the homestuck sense. I also don't like homestuck 2 which I mean, you would think I would be interested in it because of Dirk but a lot of it pisses me off, the mischaracterization of everyone including Dirk actually fucking blows. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.